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No Women No Cry

By Anil Dharker

17th January 2017

EDM, as you would know if you are young, ( and are behaving young anywhere in the world), is a happening thing. However, if you are young in Bengaluru or in Mumbai, you would know that EDM is not happening. Not happening at all. That’s because the authorities, whose job is to authorise, decided that they should do exactly the opposite, which is to not authorise, which is why David Guetta`s EDM concerts in both cities were cancelled.

It is quite likely that if you are reading this, you do not know what EDM is. A year ago, I didn`t either, so I walked into Bandra’s Mehboob Studio where someone I hadn`t heard of (and was therefore very famous) was performing, I entered the studio, and instantly heard the celebrated performer very loud and very clear. The world famous DJ was on a stage surrounded by wires and machines attached to them, each of which had multiple knobs jutting out, each waiting to be twirled. The DJ`s performance seemed to depend on his relationship with these knobs, and that seemed just fine, so he twirled and twirled, moving quickly to turntables with records on them, reading what seemed like gauges (Ammeters? Voltmeters?), taking a record off just when it was planning to get somewhere…The young audience stood still, which was odd because EDM`s full form is Electronic Dance Music. Of course it`s possible that the young men and women weren`t dancing because there was no room to move.

Why do the young pay good money to go deaf? Apparently David Guetta is one of the best when it comes to bursting ear drums. Moreover he does it in French, which enables you to go deaf softly. People had come from all over to be deafened by him, from Indore and Nashik where the traffic hasn`t yet reached the desired decibel levels, and also from Bengaluru where the Guetta show was cancelled. They had also come from Delhi, where the next Guetta show was likely to be cancelled. My theory is that the youth of today want very, very loud music so that there is no need for the conversation they clearly don’t have.

It`s also clear now that while the young are in competition with each other to go deaf, the police and the municipal corporations of our metropolises are in competition with each other to ensure this doesn`t happen, which is why they band together silently to cancel the shows at the very last minute. After Delhi, it`s Hyderabad`s turn to get cancelled, but the police there don`t seem to have caught on: their Twitter handle says “Welcome to Hyderabad David Guetta. Look forward to hosting you tomorrow.” I suppose you can excuse the Hyderabadis because they are now part of a new state, and haven`t learnt the ropes yet.

Bangaluru certainly has. The cops there had two excellent reasons for cancellation. One was that after the experience of New Year`s Eve, when 15,000 cops stood idly by while many women were molested on the roads, the authorities weren`t sure how many policemen they would need this time to stand idly by when such a big turnout of young women was expected. A second reason was that the concert venue was under the jurisdiction of the Rural Police ( the Rural Police for EDM ! The ultimate humiliation!). And the Rural Police couldn’t guarantee security because they were busy with elections for the Agricultural Produce Marketing Committee. I know what you are thinking, but honestly, I didn`t make that up.

Our chest-thumping Prime Minister (remember he has 56 inches of it), might see a trend here, and seize it as he seized the Demonetisation idea. In Demonetisation, he saw that the best way to get rid of black money was to take out all money, black, white, blue or yellow, from circulation. Apply the same logic to the country’s law and order problems. Where does molestation of our kumaris and devis take place ? In crowded, public events. So attack the problem at its roots : stop the crowded, public events.  It`s an idea whose time has finally come.

This article first appeared in the Financial Chronicle.